The more I navigate the mountains of motherhood, the more I realize there was a LOT left out of the ‘perfect parenting’ manual.
Or maybe it was just in the fine print that I always skip. and then later regret having skipped.
And I’m not even to the teenage years yet… oye ve!
Without boring you with all of the sordid details, this has been our latest parental roller coaster ride…
For the past year we have been on the baby bandwagon. Since we have fertility issues (yes, I know, cry me a river right?? It sounds so strange to claim ‘fertility issues’ when we have 5 little ones running around!). Each one has come with the help of clomid, and some well-timed, ahh, ‘together time’ (gotta keep it pg!).
In the world of infertility, I am well aware of the fact that I am incredibly lucky and blessed to be able to jump start the process with a simple pill, and that’s how simple it has been with all of our pregnancies – the first 2-3 months, and bam… baby in the oven. This last one was a little different, however, month, after month after month of up and down and every which way. After a year of this, We finally saw the ever-covetad ‘extra line’ on the stick and the crazy cravings and nausea entered in full force.
At the first Dr. Appointment, imagine my surprise to find not one, but TWO little babes in the making. After the initial shock of “how in the world are we going to do this?!” we started to get pretty excited. The twins we had (our first born) were ecstatic to welcome another double bundle to the family.
We went in for a routine ultra sound, and were completely blind sided to find that there was no heartbeat in one of the babies. I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach.
We spent the next week going through every emotion under the sun… so sad, then so happy to still have one, then super guilty for being happy to have one, then sad again… crazy times!
Fast forward another month, and I start to have some signs that send us into the ob-instacare wing, with fear and stress of what is going on with this little one.
Never before has a tiny heartbeat meant so much. I didn’t realize how wound up I was until we saw that heartbeat and I let out a little screech. My husband grabbed my hand and gave a big squeeze, showing his relief as well. So as of now, still pregnant. And praying like crazy that we can go through the next 6 months with much less drama then we have had for the past 3.
