Hand-me-down mommy

July 29, 2011 by ·

 I recently dug this fun sweatshirt out of our hand-me-down box…

For it’s newest owner, Joshua.
As I was rolling the sleeves up to fit his still-too-tiny-arms and assuring him that it would be fine, “you’ll grow into it” and then watched how he looked at it in awe and told me about all of the parts of the firetruck (that he had learned from his two older fire-truck-loving brothers), I couldn’t help but think about something else that has been brewing in my mind for the past little while…
**Warning, random ramblings about to erupt… feel free to exit the blog at any time… :)**
There, consider yourself warned…
I have been thinking lately, ya know, in all of my 9 years of mommy-hood experience ;), that I can feel myself slowly ‘growing into’ the mommy role.
— I find myself more content with little things.
— Less flustered over the bazzilion schedule changes during the course of a 24 hour day.
— Less likely to be mortified at the site of some of the outfit choices of the kiddos (and even secretly glad that they chose a certain outfit…
and that they don’t really care about molding to the general regular-clothes-wearing population)
— Not quite so anal about scheduling every minute of every day
— Able to choose my battles a bit more (or less, as the case may be)
— And in general just loving being around my children.
Are things perfect?  Not by a long shot.  But they are better.  Not because the kids have changed, but because I find myself changing… morphing… molding… into this thing called “Mommy”.  More importantly, I find myself loving the role, and finding the fit to be bit by bit more comfortable as the years go by.
As I have thought about this little inner discovery, I started to think back to how I have come to be where I am now on the mommyhood journey, and where I have learned the many (unpublished) mommyhood lessons from the (undocumented) mommyhood manual.
    And I have realized that I am, in fact, a hand-me-down mommy.
So many lessons that I have applied, and am now trying to apply in my little mommyhood universe have been taught to me by so many incredible mothers that I have been surrounded by my entire life.  So many of you out there have handed me down so many mothering moments, and I thank you for that.  There have been so many of you that have helped me on my path to mommyhood (and continue to help me on my path) that I don’t even know how to begin to thank you all and let you know some of the gratitude that I feel for the teeny-tiny lessons that you have taught me.
A few that for some reason have been hitting me a little harder lately come from those of you in my own family.
… *Warning, cheese factor about to get turned up a notch… go on at your own risk!*
I have, hands down, the most incredible examples of womanhood and motherhood in my immediate family.  I am the youngest of 7 kids, with 2 older sisters and 4 older sister-in-laws (Chelle – you count as older because you just morphed into Brians age category when you got married!). Plus a mother in law, and two more incredible sister-in-laws on my hubby’s side.
We are one of those cheesy families who actually like getting together.  A lot.
And when we get together.  I watch.  and I learn.

First of all, my mom.

What can I say about her?  She is the epitome of motherhood.
      There is not a day that goes by where I find myself thinking, ‘what would my mom do?’  I think it’s safe to say that her kids are her life, and she did so many thousands of tiny things day in and day out to make our lives wonderful – things that at the time I had no idea how inconvenient it was for her.  She just did them because, well, she was the mom.
      Like the time I moved suddenly from dorm room living to apartment living, and called her crying because I was having a hard time adjusting, and within 24 hours she was knocking on the door with a box full of pots and pans to help in my transition.
      Or the countless games of various sports that I could look up and see her being my #1 cheerleader in the stand.  Home.  Away.  Hot.  Cold.  Early.  Late.  She was there.  (I have to admit, this thought was about the only thing that kept me in my chair on the sidelines of my own child’s first freezing cold soccer game cheering away…).  I think deep down, she doesn’t even really like sports (though she would never admit it openly to our sports-obsessed family!).  That act alone has built at least one floor in her mansion in heaven, I’m sure of it!

And then my sisters.

The best.  Ever.  (Well, I can say that now that I am no longer subjected to ‘prickly pear cactus legs’ or the pinch of death, or forced to sleep on the ‘dracula’ side of the bed!)

Each of my sisters is an absolutely amazing mother.  Seriously.  As in, the type that when I visit, I take a step back at each of their houses and think, “when I grow up, I want to be a mom like that!”  (and then I remember, oh no, I’m already a mom!  I’m already behind!)

Janie –

I won’t even talk about the fact that I’m a wee bit jealous that you could give birth to 7 children (yes, that’s right, folks, SEVEN), and still be the skinniest one of the bunch!  But I also stand in complete awe at your ability to organize all of the children, serve as Relief Society President, And run a bazzilion ballroom programs, simultaneously.  I get dizzy just thinking about that schedule!
  — with all of your many accomplishments, however, I do have to say one of the absolute most impressive to me is when I get to visit and see the day to day interaction of the kids.  These kids (remember the SEVEN kids?!).  All get along (and the majority of them are in the thick of the pre-teen to young adult age span – yes, the age span where most siblings hate each other).  Not only do they get along, but they genuinely like and care for one another.
 — case in point:  this last visit, I got the chance to stay up into the wee hours of the morning talking to a couple of the kids – ages 19 and 16.  I loved talking to them, but more importantly, I loved watching how they would talk with one another.  As we discussed different boys and girls, they would tell each other, “oh, I don’t like him for you”  or “yes, you should go out with her, she’s great.”  Or even, “No, you shouldn’t go out with her, she’s mean to me”… and he would truly listen to her and take the insight to heart.  Amazing!
 — to me, that speaks volumes to mommyhood – and that is one hand-me-down that I would love to grow into as my kids reach those points in life.

And then there is Julie…

 the family firecracker.  (Seriously folks, if you have a party and she’s not on the guest list, you may as well just cancel the party!  She’s awesome!)  Just being around her makes me smile.  I secretly stock her blog just to copy some of the incredibly cute things that she does with her kiddos and make-believe that I am as creative and talented as she is :).  (C’mon, anyone who would orchestrate her husband into making real-not-cheap-plasticky bows and arrows as party gifts for their son’s ‘robin hood’ birthday party is up there for mother (and father!) of the year award!).
… but the thing that impresses me the most is hard to put into words.  Julie is the essence of motherhood. Whenever I see her with her kids, I have the thought, “wow, I want to be a mom like that.”  You can tell that she truly lives motherhood as she puts her kids needs above anything else in life and is really there for her kids, both physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
Case in point:  Julie is a phenomenal ballroom dancer (as in touring the world in college type of dancer!).  She gave that all up in the pursuit of mommyhood.  When her oldest got into elementary school, she started a childrens ballroom program.  Not for her own benefit, or to further her own ballroom career, but to have a team for her daughter to learn the skills that she loves so much.
But that case in point doesn’t even truly describe what I’m trying to explain – she just oozes motherly love, from being there at every moment that her kids need her physically, to giving her kids the comforts of life, not only temporal, but also emotional,  even at her own sacrifice in so many ways.
That is a hand-me-down that I am trying to do more of… invest not in just physically being a mom, but capturing the essence and spirit of mommyhood.
There are so many more examples I could give – from sister-in-laws, to dear friends, to casual acquaintances, of little lessons in mommyhood that have helped me to grow into this role that hopefully someday, will fit me just perfectly.
For now, I will continue to mold and morph, roll up the sleeves when they get a bit too long
And continue to watch and learn and grow
from all of you.
Thank you so much for your hand-me-down ways of mommyhood 🙂
Filed Under: Deep Thoughts, Motherhood

Give and Take…

July 26, 2011 by ·

In different seminars, I have talked a lot about saving.

But not in the sense that you may expect.
We have resources beyond the dollars and sense kind:
specifically:
1) seconds
2) cents
3) sanity (and spirit)

Although saving money is very important, especially in these economic times, there are times when saving sanity may be just as important.

Case in point…
This summer has been INSANE (no pun intended!) to say the least. We started it out with a 2 1/2 week road trip right after school got out. In the middle of all of that is right when my books got released, so I came back and jumped into launching the book, all the while preparing to give NINE seminars at an upcoming education week. and oh, yea, mothering 5 children on summer vacation brings on a whole slew of ‘fun times.’

… Fast forward to last week. We are to the one week until education week point (read, stress WAY up). Not only had I agreed to a press conference for one of the books, but I had agreed to provide samples from the recipes in the back for all of the people at the press conference, as well as go on the radio to announce the press conference.
… So I am at the store getting some things for the samples, knowing I have a few long nights of cooking ahead of me.

… as I pass the produce section, I find that peaches are on sale for .88 a pound. I stood in front of that sign forever, fighting with myself. .. “Jen, don’t do it. Jennnn, I know what you are thinking. DON’T do it – you have a press conference in two days and education week talks due next week. Walk away. Walk away quickly.” But I kept looking at that sale sign, and before I knew it I was loading up TWENTY pounds of peaches into the cart.

… but it didn’t stop there.
I walked by the meat isle
And saw fresh boneless, skinless chicken breast on sale for $1.59. I have not seen it that price for at least 4 years.
… I stop
… the fight continues.
Do I walk away and save my sanity??

NOOOOO

I scooped up 20 pounds of raw chicken.

… so I got home and not only had to prepare 4 variations of muffins, bean chip dip, and smoothies, but I now had on my shoulders cooking and cutting/slicing/shredding 20 pounds of chicken to be frozen for later meals, and canning/freezing/otherwise preserving 20 pounds of peaches.

Did I save money? Yup.
Did I pay for it with my sanity? Yup.

Did I become “just like the mean mom on Annie!”? … as embarrassing as it is to admit… yup.

It takes give from one to save from the other.

The bottom line – nothing is truly ‘free’ if you save on the money end, be advised that you will need to give a little on the second’s end (or the sanity end).
It all depends on what resource you value the most in any given day, and that can and will fluctuate for every person, at any given point in time.

Filed Under: Deep Thoughts, Featured Posts, Random, Saving

How do you do it all??

May 28, 2011 by ·

 … is a question I have been asked lately when conversation turns to the book coming out.And the real, honest, gut wrenching answer is:  I don’t.This post is simply just to keep it real.  As things have been coming to a head with the books and seminars, I have felt more and more like a chicken with my head cut off… running around in a zillion different directions, trying desperately to catch the (too) many things that I find slipping through my fingers (like missing 2 out of the 4 soccer sessions that we signed my 6 year old up for months ago, and I told myself after missing the first week that we HAD to get him to the 2nd week for sure… and then didn’t think about it again until the morning after the 2nd session…).

Or yesterday getting a call from 3 year olds preschool teacher… informing me that Joshy had bitten another child… and this was the third such phone call I had received from her within the past 2 weeks.  And then in trying to do a pow wow session on the phone of what we could do to stop this, she said she would send home some articles for me to read about ways to get over the biting… like giving more attention to the child…

… She said some other things too, but I didn’t get past that first part.
It hit me
and hit me hard.
In my rush to get these “outside” projects done,
I have been neglecting my “inside” projects.
My most important projects:
my own children.

 

I have been trying so hard to get these books done that, more often than I care to admit, I have been more of a ‘body’ in the home, making sure the children stayed alive throughout the day.  But (as humiliating as this is to admit), not really doing a whole lot more.  Except feeling guilty for it.

Oh yes, that’s one thing that I have excelled at through everything.
The guilt.
Guilt for not meeting a deadline on the book,
Or for not preparing enough for the seminars.
And then guilt for not sitting on the floor for 3 hours playing candyland with my kids.
Or for not taking them on nature walks to pick variations of wild flowers and then come back, press and preserve the flowers for their own personal scrapbooks.
Yep, Guilt is one thing I can do.

So, no, I don’t do it all.

… And I don’t think anyone can.
In our quest to be the perfect mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, homemaker, book writer, stick figure drawer, etc etc etc (the list could be endless!)…

We can’t do it all.

And shouldn’t do it all.

I think the trick is finding what we can do

And letting go of the rest.

So, perhaps the question we should be asking each other is:
How do you not do it all?
In other words… how do you prioritize and pick what you will do?
Or more importantly, how do you pick and choose what you will let go…
without holding on to the guilt of letting it go??

Just keeping it real 🙂

Filed Under: Deep Thoughts, Featured Posts, Motherhood Tagged With: ,

I stand all amazed

May 28, 2011 by ·

at the job of single moms.

Because, let’s face it,
kids don’t ‘get’ Mother’s Day,
Anymore than they ‘get’ ‘mommy is sick’ days.
When it comes right down to it,
the (adequate) celebration of Mothers Day (read:  dinners magically prepared, dishes washed and put away, poopy diapers changed all day long),
It falls squarely on the shoulders of dad.
And today, as I was laying in bed
listening to the sounds of spring outside my window
that harmonized perfectly with the clinking and clanking in the kitchen
As my hubby directed the breakfast-making kids,
I was suddenly hit by the fact that there are (way too many) homes
where there is a dom…
a mom…
who also plays dad…
and carries the stress load of twice the legal limit
and somehow still puts a smile on her face as she greets her sweet kiddos
and gets up on Mother’s Day to cook her own meals.
And forges through the day in and day out of caring for her most treasured possessions.
and waits until they are all softly asleep
before letting her tears fall
and her fears show.
And then gets up the next day
to go through it all again.
Knowing that her pain and her stress and her struggles
Will someday work out.
And these children she is rearing
Will rise up and thank her
For going through the trenches
to feed them, and clothe them, and most importantly
to love them and teach them.
And do it singlehandedly, the absolute best that she knows how.
And relies on God to give her the strength to do it when she doesn’t know how.
She is a true hero to me, wherever she is.
My mother in law is one such amazing woman.
She raised my husband.
And his brother
and his sister.
Alone.
And did an amazingly wonderful job.
Thank you, Sue.
For raising my husband, best friend, and father of my children.
Thank you for bringing him into the world.
And raising him in your world.
So that he could become my world.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Filed Under: Deep Thoughts, Random Tagged With:
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